Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Earth Day Frightens Children and Other Sane People

Earth Day is tomorrow. It's a wonderful time of year when environazis go around to all the elementary, middle, and high schools to scare the bejeebers and remaining sense out of the innocent tykes and tots. They will tell the kids how Earth, or "Gaia," is being irreparably harmed by the selfish actions of mankind, especially the white kind. Except Al Gore, the inventor of Global Warming.

Children and gullable adults will be regaled with tales of melting polar ice caps that will inundate the land, polar bears that are dying in numbers greater than have ever existed, and the poor little penguins that will have no more formal parties to attend because they'll all be dead by 2012. However, the good news is that all the devastation can be brought to a screeching halt by eliminating everything that makes modern civilization possible because, as we've all been told without any factual basis, modern civilization also makes carbon dioxide and lots of it. So much so that, in the short span of seventy years, humans have craeted enough CO2 to destroy a planet that has existed for 4 billion years. Nevermind that CO2 is what plants (greenhouse gas... get it?) need to survive and make oxygen that we breath. And speaking of breathing, for good measure, all the people can only inhale because people exhale more carbon dioxide than this tiny, tiny, tiny speck of a planet can possibly absorb, about 980 grams per day per person.

All this will be done tomorrow without thought as to what it does to the youngsters. So, what does all this horror mongering do to the tykes and tots?

Habitat Heroes commissioned Opinion Research to conduct a telephone survey polling a national sample of 500 American preteens — 250 males and 250 females - that's boys and girls to us older folks. What they found, as related by Treehugger.com, is astounding, but not surprising, especially if you're old enough to remember the Soviet nuclear attack scare of the 1950s, the over-population bomb of the 1960s, the global cooling and freezing of the 1970s (and Disco!), and the end on mankind caused by the selfish "Me Generation" of the 1980s. Except for Bill Clinton, the 1990s were actually fairly tame.

The survey found that kids are scared. I mean REALLY SCARED, big time clinically psychotic scared. One-third of the kids 6-11 years old, are afraid the Earth will not exist when they grow up (how they will grow up on a planet that doesn't exist wasn't explored.) Fifty-six percent thought Earth would be a scorched out landscape with nothing but low lying brush. Black and Hispanic kids seem to have the worst of the climate anxieties. Of the Black kids asked, 75% believed the planet would be "irrevocably damaged by the time they reach adulthood." Only (yeah, only) 65% of Hispanic kids thought the same.

Some other interesting findings from the survey:

•50 percent say that hurricanes and tornadoes are the natural disasters that scare them the most.

•28 percent say that they fear animals, such as polar bears and penguins, will become extinct and disappear from the planet more than any other environmental concern. [Thank you, Hollywood!]

Girls worry more

•67 percent of girls ages 9-11 versus 60 percent of boys ages 9-11 worry that the earth won’t be as good a place to live when they're adults.

•57% of girls ages 6-8 versus 43 percent of boys ages 6-8 worry that the earth won’t be as good a place to live when they're adults.

Urban kids are more anxious than suburban kids

•59 percent of kids in metro areas are more concerned that the Earth won’t be as good a place to live when they grow up compared to non-metro kids (47 percent).
I'm so glad we have the environazis to scare the children because, quite frankly, Disney and Mother Goose have lost their touch to frighten of late. Both have become nauseatingly treacly.

I have a counter proposal to the Earth Day Scarathon. I propose we all drive SUVs long distance to all day Earth Day Barbeques with natural mesquite briquettes and the many flavored smoking wood chips like applewood, cherry, and alder. Nothing could say "Thank you, Mother Earth!" better than a skyfull of the sweet aroma of smokey barbequed beef, pork, chicken, fish, polar bear, and penguin for normal folks... grilled corn-on-the-cob and eggplant, large crimini mushrooms with olive oil/garlic baste for the vegans. Sodas, soft drinks, pops and beers all fizzie with CO2... ahhh, heavenly Earth Day!

The life of Indigo Red is full of adventure. Tune in next time for the Further Adventures of Indigo Red.


Anonymous said...

I suppose all this hoopla is going to put a damper on my proposal to put a paved bike path to the top of Mt. McKinley.

Indigo Red said...

Just a tad. Wait a couple of weeks and those bike riding environazis will be crowd you off your own path.

Gayle said...

Poor kids!

We don't really have that problem in the town I live closest too. It's too small for the nutjobs to bother with. The kids have a healthy fear of tornadoes though, but with good reason. We live in tornado country. I have a healthy fear of them too, since I've experienced a much closer relationship with two of them than I ever would have wished for.

I like your counter proposal! LOL! If only.... :)

Louise said...

Yup. I remember the disco hysteria. The thing is, it wasn't a myth. It was all too real.

Indigo Red said...

From small enclaves such as yours, Gayle, our kind will venture forth to reclaim the planet from Big Climate.

Prepare yourself, Louise. Disco is coming back!

Tom said...

Damn...I just threw out that white suit with bell-bottom pants...

Anonymous said...

Hooray! I love the rotating reflective ball. Don

Indigo Red said...

On behalf of a very grateful nation, Tom, thank you for your sacrifice.

I, too, like the giant rotating ball, Don. I think it can be put to better use especially now that our intelligence service can no longer waterboard terrorists.

Louise said...