Friday, December 26, 2008

Better Intel with Viagra


As if there weren't enough Muslims in the world, the CIA is handing out Viagra to Afghan tribal leaders with flaccid libidos so they can rape their child brides.

The Afghan chieftain looked older than his 60-odd years, and his bearded face bore the creases of a man burdened with duties as tribal patriarch and husband to four younger women. His visitor, a CIA officer, saw an opportunity, and reached into his bag for a small gift.

Four blue pills. Viagra.

"Take one of these. You'll love it," the officer said. Compliments of Uncle Sam.
(...)

[T]he man was a clan leader in southern Afghanistan who had been wary of Americans -- neither supportive nor actively opposed. The man had extensive knowledge of the region and his village controlled key passages through the area. U.S. forces needed his cooperation and worked hard to win it, the retired operative said.

After a long conversation through an interpreter, the retired operator began to probe for ways to win the man's loyalty. A discussion of the man's family and many wives provided inspiration. Once it was established that the man was in good health, the pills were offered and accepted.

Four days later, when the Americans returned, the gift had worked its magic, the operative recalled.

"He came up to us beaming," the official said. "He said, 'You are a great man.' "

"And after that we could do whatever we wanted in his area."
Isn't this how we got into this mess in the first place - handing out gifts of guns and Stinger missiles to Mujaheddin commanders like Osama bin Laden? We were hailed as heroes then, too. Until it backfired and we were attacked decades later. In about twenty years, the Viagra babies will be old enough to join the jihad against today's great men.

"Whatever it takes to make friends and influence people -- whether it's building a school or handing out Viagra," said one longtime agency operative and veteran of several Afghanistan tours.
Great, just great.




The life of Indigo Red is full of adventure. Tune in next time for the Further Adventures of Indigo Red.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

The budding jihadists would blossom with or without the magic pills. It seems the whole idea is a non-lethal means to an end. Don

Indigo Red said...

And the end result is still MORE MUSLIMS. This is a case that cries out for lethality. Fewer Muslims is the goal, not more.

Mike's America said...

It looks like the wife next to him is about 14. Too bad we couldn't liberate her by slipping her some poison to pour in her husband's food.

dcat said...

Well we can taint the water with birth control pills.

Or howabout in the humas that they eat with the morning after pill in it!

dcat said...

Heh just read Mike's and I like his idea too!

Indigo Red said...

The photo was made by Stephanie Sinclair for the NYT Magazine in 2006. The man is not the man in the post, but he is emplematic of the sexual traditions of Afghanistan.

The caption reads:

Ghulan Haider, 11, is to be married to Faiz Mohammed, 40. She had hoped to become a teacher but was forced to quit her classes when she became engaged.

NPR did a story on child brides you can read and listen to here. Stephanie Sinclair has an online exhibibit of child bride photos here.

Unfortunately, the suggestions put forth would result in a most horrible death for the child-wife at the hands of her own family. The practice is barbaric, but so is killing the child caught up in the web of tradition from centuries ago.