Saturday, September 27, 2008

Remembering My Dad

One year ago today, my Dad died and I miss him something awful.

We were not what one would say was close for the majority of years. We were Father and Son. In the last few years, we started to talk as adults who just happened to be related. He told me about his life and life in general and in those moments we became friends. We talked openly about his impending death and when he died I was okay with it.

My little sister called me at 4:15 A.M. to say that Dad, who had been admitted to the local hospital the afternoon before, had taken a turn for the worse. She suggested I might want to skip work and make the eight hour drive home. I said let's wait to see what happens because he was a strong man.

I laid back in bed to sort out what I had heard. At 4:30 A.M., my little sister called back to say that Dad had died.

For a year, I've been okay with my Father's death because we had talked about it and he was wanting to die, he had lived long enough, and didn't want any more. I was okay with that. Until this past Thursday when at work, during an unrelated moment alone, I totally lost it. I started shaking and crying and hearing his voice in my head. The last couple days have been hard, but I'm getting by and getting better as I remember.

The life of Indigo Red is full of adventure. Tune in next time for the Further Adventures of Indigo Red.


Anonymous said...

Indi, a year after my Mom died we had some folks over for Thanksgiving dinner. We were having a good time and all of a sudden I had to leave the room and broke down bawling like a school girl. It took me quite a while to realize what was happening. Finally it dawned on me how much my mother and I had enjoyed that particular holiday. So trust me that someone knows whaqt you are talking about. Don

Indigo Red said...

Thanks, Don. I know I'm not alone and I can share my life here with hundreds of people all of whom know what I feel without having to try describing something cannot be described.

Indigo Rose said...

Dear Brother,
You are not alone in your loss. Nor are you alone in feeling dad's presense, or hearing his voice.
Dad has not left us alone.

Our sister, well, she is having personal turmoil in dealing with dad's death. She holds onto blame.... what more could she have done, she shouldn't have served chili for dinner, she should have/could have.... We talked for 3 hours yesterday. I hope I made a difference.

We all are dealing with the anniversary of dad's death. My youngest daughter came home for a visit. We spent quality time together. We have learned the lesson of 'gone too soon'.

Brother, dad is with us every day. He helped to form our minds, our bodies, our thoughts and beliefs. He gave us the gift of conversation and the written word.

In his honor I did simple things that gave me simple pleasures. I spent time with my family. I remember him, the good and bad of him, and know that every moment with him was a gift. Why do we only realize that about a person when they are gone?

So, next time you are up north, lets do coffee, or an Irish Soda. Lets converse and learn something about each other. Lets savor the time and make some memories.